THE TWO MEN

After the couple left me to be wiped down by my grandfather, he told me to lie on my tummy for the next people. He told me it might hurt and if it did to think of nice things so it wouldn't hurt so bad. 

The next people who came to abuse me were two men, one was much younger than the other one. The older man straddled my back while the younger man knelt in front of me masturbating. I remember the white hot pain, the tearing feeling, I felt like my backside was being torn apart as the older one sodomised me. I remember I screamed and then I screamed again. I couldn't stop myself from screaming, the agony was excruciating. After I screamed the second time the younger man shoved his penis hard into my mouth. He probably did it to stop the screaming and shut me up. But when his penis hit the back of my throat I instantly threw up real bad. I heard the older man say "hey mate, I really made this one bleed", a sort of shout of triumph like I was some sort of conquest. As if doing that to a child was something to shout about or to be proud about. The younger man said "yeah, well she's just been sick all over me, she's just a filthy little cunt, she's not worth it, leave her." And they did.  They just walked away and left me in a dirty bleeding heap, my face in my vomit because I was in too much pain to move.

I felt like an object, I felt like I'd let them down, I felt it was all my own fault. I felt terrible.

My grandparents came over. My grandfather silently rubbed me down with the skanky towel. My grandmother waggled her finger in my face. I felt their silent disapproval, their silent anger. It would have been better if they'd beaten me, shouted at me, called me every name under the sun. But for once they didn't. But I hated the feel of that silent anger, it frightened me and I knew I'd done wrong though I also knew I couldn't help what happened and it wasn't my fault I was sick. It was all just a confused mess in my mind and emotions.